It is indeed a blanket statement. It’s understandable that you most likely would not want to reveal to every Tom, Dick and Harry about your step-by-step plan of how you are working on yourself.

What about what you tell yourself? What are the steps you take? Do you use it as a conversation filler or blocker? It all depends on the time and place, right?

I can see what you are doing there, and I get it.

If you look at it this way, you are not doing the wrong thing. But are you doing the right thing?

It all depends on how and why you use that term. If when you say it, you are putting in the work (I just want to stress that speed is not an entity is this equation). Then say it all you want.

You must know what you mean by ‘I am working on myself’. What exactly are you working on? What is your approach and strategy to work on yourself?

Please use me as your template because I am not here to preach to anyone. First, let me say, I am no expert, but maybe my personal journey can help you, even if it’s just a little.

I have suffered from depression, stress, anxiety, experienced sadness, loneliness romantic relationship and friendship break ups, family drama you name it; but right now, I am the honestly the happiest I have ever been. I have my occasional down day, but I am maintaining. I can mostly say this since I was able to use two methods of therapy in 2018 – Shout out to the NHS and shout out to Talk Space. (I personally preferred Talk Space to the NHS).

In addition, I no longer have certain emotionally abusive friendships, in hindsight, our friendships felt like cuts that would not heal. I also do not have that boyfriend who is not really a boyfriend; but you think he is a boyfriend because he is always around, but you don’t do boyfriend and girlfriend things. Don’t look at me funny, you all know what I am talking about. What’s your situation like? lol.

I am telling you all these things to show you I’m not perfect, never will be. I’ve been through a lot but now I feel like I am on the up.

I also feel a lot (hypersensitivity) – I will write a blog on this I promise. In my younger days I really did not know what it was and how to use the positive aspects of it. Because I am hypersensitive and a Libra – super emotional babe here. I am very, very, very aware of myself. I know when I am unbalanced, overwhelmed or just down. I also know when you are balanced.

The work I put in:

Firstly, I am super gentle with myself. I get the best treatment from me. Take note.

I like to go to the gym; those endorphins are not a joke. Take note.

I take time out. I honestly respect my time out. I do not answer my phone. Keep in mind, if you are not your best self or close to being your best self, how are you going to comfort or bring joy to others? When people say they can feel your vibe. Hello, they can feel your vibrations. What frequency are you vibrating at right now? Take note.

Are you willing to put in the work? Take note.

Putting in the work doesn’t always look pretty with face masks. I said this in my first blog post which you can read here.

Be aggressively honest with yourself. I don’t mean calling your best friend and asking them what they think of you? I mean have a conversation with yourself now and then, your intuition will tell you the right thing to do. When you go against what you are fighting against, you lose authenticity.

Are you your most authentic self? If you are; are you your most authentic self in your community, in yourself, around your parents’ wishes and comments?

Always place yourself in environments that celebrate you. If you do not have one create one. Maybe this is the reason why I will often throw a party for no apparent reason.

You must be okay with not being liked. This is a strong one, a difficult one – obviously you will not aim to be a bitch or bell end to people and except them to cuddle you on their bosoms. You should always welcome people with love. However, if they do not like it, you should be okay with that.

Are you changing things you do not like in your life, your current situation; i.e. job, housing, fitness, taking different routes, dedicating time to new or existing hobbies/interest, pushing past your fears and insecurities?

I just want to talk a little bit more about pushing past your fears and insecurities. Now, as a black, Caribbean woman I can honestly say. Being emotional, with a lot of feelings was frowned upon. Yes, even as a woman. I was called too sensitive among other things. At first this made me anxious because this is my innate way of being. I feared being my authentic self. Again, growing up in the Caribbean, I did not know that anxiety, or any other mental health related illness existed. Moving to the UK has aided my general expansion of my life and my mind.

I could no longer live for through the fear of my mother’s culture, or the fear of my mother. The day I realised that I should only please me, as only I know, how much I am suffering; I decided to bloom. I decided to heal. I personally did not know how I was going to do that. One thing I knew was that I wasn’t afraid. Once you are not afraid, you’re working on yourself journey is half way there.

The metamorphosis process for me began from the age of 17 and is still ongoing. As time changes your energy will shift. You will have to accept your new self every time. Right now, I am going to use the phrase ‘I AM MAINTAINING MY HAPPINESS’. Instead of ‘I am working on myself’. If that changes, it changes.

I push myself, I do things I am afraid of, I believe in me, I do what I want and need to maintain happiness in myself.
I just want to stress how important it is to do things you are afraid of. If you do not believe me, just do it and prove me right. You should always be responsible with your choices and do not put yourself in life threatening situations.

If you are working on yourself, are you considering these points when you say ‘I am working on me’? Are you working on yourself? Or are you maintaining your happiness? Are you somewhere in the middle or you just do not know? It doesn’t matter where you are in your journey. The most important thing to remember is, your journey is unique to you. Fear is the devil’s work and kindness to yourself, paves the road to self honesty.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Thank you for reading.

See outfit details in SHOP MY LOOK.



  1. Begonia
    February 21, 2019 / 8:15 am

    Wow i love this post !!!you got talent xx

  2. Hans
    February 22, 2019 / 2:29 am

    Lovely my dear cuz

    • tenipascal
      February 22, 2019 / 12:11 pm

      Thank you so much

  3. Mag
    February 23, 2019 / 12:18 pm

    takes a lot of courage to be that open and kindness to want to help others! 🙂 thanks

    • tenipascal
      February 23, 2019 / 3:14 pm

      Thank you so much my darling

    • Bim
      February 23, 2019 / 4:55 pm

      Hi Toni,
      So much good information here!
      And I appreciate the honesty

      • tenipascal
        February 23, 2019 / 7:38 pm

        HI Bim,

        Thank you, hope It has helped in some way. I also hope its information you can use.

    • Nicole Moses
      February 24, 2019 / 3:16 pm

      Yes girl. I love this write up. I am guilty of writing “I am working on myself” however I know exactly what I am doing to put the work in. I agree when you say it all depends on how and why you use that term. I am maintaining my happiness is a good one. I would probably say maintaining my wellbeing as well as happiness is a focus for me at the moment. I think its a good topic to discuss because alot of people say it and have no idea what they need to do to actually maintain there own needs.

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